


Pyrrhic Victory

by Milflover07



Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-30
Updated: 2016-12-14
Packaged: 2018-08-28 00:03:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8422951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milflover07/pseuds/Milflover07
Summary: Set at the end of season 4, after Joan kills Bea Smith."Vera’s heart skipped a beat as she ran outside to see Joan covered in blood. As much as she was horrified to see Bea in her present state, she almost felt relieved that it wasn’t Joan stumbling down instead of her."How far will Vera and Joan go to preserve each other? Life-changing decisions and sacrifices shall be made. Can the "greater good" benefit them both?





	1. Love and hate

Vera’s heart skipped a beat as she ran outside to see Joan covered in blood. As much as she was horrified to see Bea in her present state, she almost felt relieved that it wasn’t Joan stumbling down instead of her.

This was all her fault. She’d been foolish enough to go along with Bea’s plan, and now her carelessness had brought a code Black on their hands. What a poor excuse for a governor she was.   

“Bea? Bea? Can you hear me? The ambulance is coming. Will, Will! Listen to me, it’s okay I’ll stay with Smith. Please escort Ferguson back inside with Officer Stewart, now!”

-Should we bring her to medical?

-No, she seems fine, just in shock. She’s been through this before. It’s not her first time attacking somebody. Just-just get her into protection unit! Now!

-Yes governor.

Will’s reluctance to leave Bea’s side showed in the manner he grabbed Joan’s already cuffed wrists by one hand and pushed her in the back, with Jake Stewart’s grasp on her right arm. Will was fuming with rage, but so was Joan, who wasn’t paying any attention to the guards. She looked over her shoulder to the scene behind them as they were pulling her back inside: Bea Smith in a pool of her own blood, displaying that disturbing smile that would be forever engraved in Joan’s mind, as the symbol for her imminent defeat. How could she have lowered her guard like this by underestimating her opponent’s capacity to turn things around? Bea was clever, and since Joan had removed Ally from the picture, or so she thought, Bea had nothing to lose. She should’ve known better than to assume she’d evaluated all the risks with her. And there was Vera, kneeling beside her, with Bea’s blood on her hands. Yes, Vera was behind all this, of course she’d planned this whole thing with Smith. She was as much to blame for whatever the outcome would be. Joan knew that Vera had wanted her to pay for what she’d done, but that she would plan for her death was something she’d never anticipated before. Perhaps she was mistaken about Vera, maybe she too was ready to act for the greater good, as long as it really did benefit the ex-deputy. If things had gone as planned, Vera would’ve had Joan’s blood on her hands, and that redefined their positions significantly from where Joan stood. It officially ruled Vera off the list of potential allies, and brought her at the top of her enemies, out-ranking Will Jackson. Whatever she would do next, she would work towards destroying that backstabbing little mouse, if the recent events hadn’t already sealed the little governor’s fate...

***

Joan had been staring at the wall in front of her for the past seven hours since stabbing Bea Smith with the screwdriver that had her handprints all over it, along with her winning opponent’s blood, and would keep her locked up in here for a while longer... But she didn’t want to think about it too much. For some reason, all she could think about was Vera. _Her_ Vera. How could she have turned against her in such ways? To wish for her death, only to never have Joan walk out free again and to remain Governor of Wentworth? Surely she would have calculated the risks better than that, and realized that such a scheme would only put her on the spot. No one would believe that Bea managed to achieve that on her own. Finding evidence of Vera’s implication in plotting would be easy. Either Vera was completely lacking of strategy, or she had pulled enough strings to feel confident about this whole conspiracy. After all she had friends among the professional community and allies among the board now. This was an organized attack against the person of Joan Ferguson, and Vera was the mastermind behind it, using Bea to execute it. In a way, Joan liked to think that Vera had turned into everything she accused her of embodying. Joan didn’t know whether to be proud or disgusted by her hypocrisy and betrayal at the moment, but it seemed clear now that her former deputy wasn’t the same little mouse she thought she’d only molded into a respectable prison officer.

A worried expression soon replaced Joan’s smile as something shifted in the way she perceived things. She was realizing that there was something off about her own feelings and ways to approach the case of Vera. Despite her profound anger and need for revenge, Joan couldn’t bring herself to hate Vera as much as she’d hated all those before her who had stood in her way and had been removed.

She weighed up whether she would have gone to the same extreme lengths as to eliminate Vera had their positions been reversed, and found both with shame and dismay that she wouldn’t.

She pursed her lips as she felt a cool tear slide down her cheek while coming to the realization that Vera hated her enough to flirt with the idea of having her killed, like she did her mother. She’d actually put the idea in motion. Yes Vera was capable of it, and it hurt her now that she’d been the target because deep down she knew that _she_ could never have wished for Vera’s death.

Joan had never felt so conflicted, so defeated. For the first time in ages, she felt like dropping the weapons. The words “it’s possible to love and hate at the same time” had never rang truer.

A stern voice from the other side of the transparent wall broke her out of her trance: “Ferguson.” Joan didn’t move, she continued to stare emptily at the grey wall she faced, turning her back to the person who’d hurt her, who had hurt her on that very spot when she’d torn a letter written by her hand, letter addressed to the only person who’d ever come close to the child she’d never had.

The voice was now barely audible as it seemed broken, reflecting Joan’s pain: “Joan,” said Vera almost pleadingly as she opened the door and came inside. Sat on the bench, still not facing her, Joan tried to remain impassible in order to blink away the fresh tears that were threatening to overtake her. If one of them had to break in front of the other first, it would be Vera.

 


	2. What's stopping you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Joan harshly took Vera’s wrist in her right hand, and squeezed it firmly, tightening her grip as she pulled her close so that their faces were only an inch apart. Vera could see the hurt and anger in Joan’s eyes, but made sure to hide her own fear and apprehension. Joan kept Vera in place as she spoke directly to her face and retorted: “And what’s that Vera? What matters? What does a pa-theti-c mouse like you know about what matters? Family? Love? Friendship? When was the last time you made passionate love? Or just had a good and nice, Fuc-k."

“Come to gloat?” Joan said defiantly. 

Vera shot the door behind her and made a few steps forward. She stopped when she was at the other end of the bench, waiting for some kind of move. When none was made, she asked, as if crying, “Why?”

Joan was a bit taken aback by the tone in Vera’s voice. She tried to maintain her composure as she shifted on the bench.

Now facing Vera, she contemplated her from the bottom up: her face looked tired, sad, her features twitching in pain. Joan almost gasped at the sight. She had expected to deal with a pedantic Vera, the Vera who “enjoys petty victories,” and this victory was far from being small. But instead she finds a Vera that’s exhausted, almost broken and waiting for some sort of relief or comfort, as if hoping for Joan to grant her just that.

And her uniform, covered in Bea’s blood here and there like Joan’s clothes were. Suddenly remembering the question that was asked, Joan answered calmly “why what?”

Joan watched carefully as Vera inhaled and rubbed her temples.

Sitting opposite to Joan, Vera removed her governor’s jacket and folded it, placing it on the bench and almost symbolically sliding it halfway through in between them. It almost felt like a bonding gesture, a piece of offering for peace, in a very far-fetched fantasy of Joan’s. But it actually tasted like resignation for the both of them, as if they had lost too much in this war to even hope for a winner. Both sides were doomed to defeat. Joan looked down on the folded jacket with nostalgia, but lifted her gaze to stare at the creature she found most intriguing at the moment.

They looked intently in each other’s eyes, neither able to hide the redness of them. Emotions were running high and there seemed to be no more energy for smug faces or remarks. “Why Joan, why are you so... _defective_?”

Joan swallowed hard and averted her eyes at the utterance of the word she’d heard so often in her life, “defective, freak...” only to look back at Vera again, with an accusing gaze. “Defective? Me, Vera? While you tried to kill me?”

-I-WHAT? YOU killed Bea Smith! She died in my arms minutes before the ambulance even arrived!

Normally, Joan would supress a smile as she usually did in similar circumstances. But something in the way Vera said it was stopping her, something reminding her of the mistake she’d made by killing Smith, the line she’d crossed so many times, this time to the point of no return, which would probably condemn her to a life sentence. And most of all, Vera, whom she’d never seen like this. She genuinely seemed outraged by Joan’s suggesting she’d tried to kill her. Could she have been mistaken in drawing those conclusions?

“Joan, please, explain to me, how can a woman as intelligent as you waste so much of her intelligence and energy by focusing on hurting others as well as herself? Why are you persisting in being so... inhumane!”

Joan spat at her: “You know nothing!”

Joan turned away and straightened her back as she tensed up, sitting bolt upright, showing Vera her glorious profile. Vera found her beautiful, despite the circumstances, and she hated herself for it. But now was no time to glorify Joan. She had to get through to her in some way: “Oh please don’t give me that ‘greater good’ bullshit! What good could possibly come out of this one?! Look at you! Look at us! We’re ruined! You’ll never EVER be governor again, and I probably will lose my head over this too! And for what? A moment of glory? A taste of power? A game?”

-I always knew you didn’t have it in you. You never should’ve been governor, you don’t have what it takes. You had the ambition but you give up, _so_ easily. You can’t be trusted with power.

Joan finished that last sentence with a sour laughter. That smug look was back on her face after all, however forced it was. Vera saw the corner of her lips curl up, which only reasserted the portion of hatred and disgust within her. She was silent for a while, simply staring at the outraging woman, who gazed back just to admire her work. But Joan hadn’t silenced Vera for long.

“WHAT power Joan?! Get real. This is fucking Clayton in Melbourne, Victoria. It’s only a fucking prison for god’s sake! Yes I too wanted to be governor, and now well, I can tell you, it’s shit! This life is shit!”

Joan lowered her gaze and started biting the inside of her cheek. She was losing her leverage.

Vera kept going: “Ever since you walked in mine it’s been hectic as hell, and the excitement I got out of it was not worth the struggle.” Joan looked up at Vera, the tightness in her jaw apparent, as she listened. Vera sure knew how to get her attention. She did something that startled Joan a little, as she changed her position to straddle the bench and slide forward, moving a little closer to Joan, who was almost tempted to do the same. As much as she wouldn’t give in, Joan felt so attracted to Vera at the moment and shaken by every move of the petite woman’s body that she found it hard to resist her. Vera dared to put her hand on the older woman’s left shoulder. Joan instantly tensed under her touch, as Vera added more calmly “but at the end of the day, this is a prison, for _all_ of us. So where do you draw the line Joan? Where does it stop? We’re all defective, you’re right. But some of us wake up before it’s too late to start actually living for what TRULY matters.” At that, Joan harshly took Vera’s wrist in her right hand, and squeezed it firmly, tightening her grip as she pulled her close so that their faces were only an inch apart. Vera could see the hurt and anger in Joan’s eyes, but made sure to hide her own fear and apprehension. Joan kept Vera in place as she spoke directly to her face and retorted: “And what’s that Vera? What matters? What does a _pa-theti-c_ mouse like you know about what matters? Family? Love? Friendship? When was the last time you made passionate love? Or just had a good and nice, Fuc-k.”

This made Vera gasp and blush, but she kept looking in Joan’s eyes trying not to flinch. She knew it was meant to unsettle her and she didn’t want to lose her ground now. But God why did that word sound so right in Joan’s mouth? It was wrong and twisted but she knew deep down how turned on she was. She tried to ignore it.

Joan went on. “The way you deliver this little nonsense of yours is quite noble and poetic, it clearly attests of That Westfall woman’s rubbing off on you.  Speaking of rubbing, I hear Mister Stewart likes a woman in authority, extra points if naive and malleable,” Joan said as she started rubbing circles on Vera’s wrist with her thumb.

Vera felt the embarrassment return, but soon was able to recover from it and strike back, withdrawing her arm from the woman’s grasp. “You know Joan, you’re doing it again, trying to move your problem around by putting somebody else on the spot and hurting them. Because you have no argument whatsoever to refute that little nonsense, as you say. You see, you’ve come to the point where you realize that the nonsense is the alleged greater good you’re fighting to maintain... and that you’re only fighting yourself, and your true chance at happiness.” Joan felt the anger inside her rise. She stood and turned her back to Vera. This was a little too close to the bone and she wanted her to shut up, so much that she didn’t know what was stopping her from lifting Vera off the floor and choking her to death like she did Warner. But instead, she kept listening to the petite woman talking behind her.

“You could’ve had so much more. Instead you’re here, in this shithole. I might get fired, who knows, maybe even get charged with negligence or god knows what. But I didn’t try to kill you, you’ve killed, many times. And you’ve ruined yourself. And you’re still lying to yourself. You’ve been imprisoned in this flawed psychology of yours for as long as you can remember and now you can’t even tell the difference between good or bad, power and solitude, freedom and prison-”

“Love and hate,” Joan added while cutting Vera off. She seemed to have momentarily returned to her state of trance. “Ehm.. what?” Vera looked at Joan, unable to decipher what she was thinking. Joan turned around now facing her. “You want to be honest? Cards on the table. Right now, I am not feeling very much in control.”

Vera looked at her as if saying “no kidding you’re trapped in here.” She let Joan continue. “I-I am experiencing... feelings. I don’t-I don’t really know how to feel... about you. Where I stand with you. Do you understand?”

-I feel the same way about you, so maybe.

-I need to know. Did you plan on having me killed with Smith?

-No! Joan, no!

-I have to ask.

-And what if I did? What if I told you, I did it for the greater good? Would it be wrong then?

-It would be wrong Vera, because I would NEVER try to kill YOU! Never!

-Oh really? What would stop you?

-What’s stopping me now?

As Vera considered this, Joan shortened the distance between them. Vera’s confidence was taming with the sweat building on her forehead. Joan was now dangerously close, looking down on her. She lifted her chin to gaze into her eyes. “Do you trust me? I bet you do, or else you wouldn’t have come here in the middle of the night to lock yourself up in here with me. You know I’m much stronger than you are,” she whispered as she started caressing Vera’s shoulders. Rising to her neck, she tightened her grip around it, feeling Vera tense under her touch. She traced the bump of her pulsing point, and murmured “precious little Vera.” Vera, despite her notable fear, couldn’t help but to arch her back a little and moan at the words Joan was whispering. She could feel Joan’s hot breath on her face and Joan could feel the effect she was inducing in her. Vera circled Joan’s waist with her arms and buried her face in her shirt, right below Joan’s chest. The standing woman didn’t know how they’d gotten there but she returned the embrace. Vera softly let go of her and lifted her chin to bring up the unanswered question again, “what’s stopping you Joan?”

Joan stroked her cheek while remaining silent. She licked her lips. Vera was unique in her eyes, and so attractive for some reason. They seemed to be holding their breaths, until Joan, in one swift motion, pressed and rotated Vera’s shoulders down to have her laying down on her back on the bench, with Joan on top, straddling her and holding her captive. Vera moaned loudly and sensually, as Joan pressed down on her with all her weight, and started nibbling at her neck.

“Oh Joan, I can’t-I can’t“

-I know, Vera I know.

-We're-we're not good people. I feel-so dirty.

-Let me get rid of your bloodied clothes if that helps.

Joan yanked Vera's shirt up and started sucking, licking and trailed down to leave soft kisses on her firm stomack. "Joan! Oh god. This feels... nice... but-" Joan was stopped by Vera, who was too conflicted to know whether she wanted this to be their first time. She abruptly stood and re-buttoned her shirt under Joan's disappointed gaze. As she picked her jacket from the bench, she looked at Joan with a puzzled face. “I can’t. I'm sorry.This feels wrong, you’re using me. I can sense it. This is all part of your great "Joan Ferguson's come back" plan isn’t it?”

 


	3. Under my care

Joan processed what Vera had just said: “You’re using me. I can sense it. This is all part of your great ‘Joan Ferguson's come back’ plan isn’t it?”

Joan thought it’d be easier to go along that line than to admit she felt rejected, so she simply looked at her sternly and said, “I wanted to show you how weak you are. No wonder Jake had his ways. Of course this stays between us, but... he told me how you liked it when he talked dirty to you, and mentioned me. How wet you’d get by the simple mention of my name when he fucked you Vera.”

Vera was now reflecting Joan’s previous anger as angry tears came down her cheeks. She quickly wiped them off and walked fast towards Joan, and did the unexpected of slapping Joan across the face.

Joan was a bit taken aback, and something in the tingling sensation in her skin seemed to extend to the lower regions of her body. She felt the adrenalin as she quickly lifted Vera and pushed her against the nearest wall, almost choking her. “You shouldn’t have done that Vera.”

“Why not,” Vera managed boldly between little coughs, feeling Joan’s hands wrapping around her neck. 

For some reason, Vera wasn’t scared. She knew Joan wouldn’t kill her, but she still had to be careful with how far she pushed things. She managed to raise her shaky hands to grip Joan's which were already tightening around her throat, and kept talking in a tiny strangled voice: “You’re right about one thing Joan, I like it when he fucks me. And when he mentions you, it reminds me of your imminent fall, and my stepping in to fill your shoes, and I get off. It's quick, doesn't last long” she added with a devious smile while crying altogether, loving the effect she was having on Joan, who clearly was burning with anger as much as desire. Vera felt hurt and wanted to hurt Joan. She would give her a taste of her own medicine. “You won’t take me down with you. What you did today, and what you’ve done to me, it ends now. I won’t let you get inside my head anymore. I won’t let you turn me into some kind of monster like you.”

Joan inhaled sharply. She had underestimated Vera, again... but she would still teach her a lesson: she flipped Vera over while pushing her front against the wall, hard. She held Vera’s hands behind her back. Vera protested as Joan pinned her against the wall by pressing her whole length up against Vera’s back and arse. She spread Vera’s knees with her own, and placed her chin on Vera’s left shoulder as she whispered in her ear: “Too late for that Vera. I am already inside your head, and I will get inside any part of you I might wish to explore, by every mean I please. Do I make myself clear or should I illustrate?” Vera couldn’t believe it. Joan was now waving handcuffs at her. Where had she gotten those?

“How did you get those?” Vera mumbled against Joan’s pressing shoulder. “It’s amazing all the things that are smuggled through to inmates when their governor demonstrates such a lack of leadership and control,” Joan said as she secured the cuffs around Vera’s shaky wrists in her back, and picked up where she’d left off.

-No! No Joan, Jake is outside! He was warned. He knows to come if I need-

-No he won’t. He told me you’d come to visit, so that I’d get prepared. I paid him off. He won’t disturb us.

-What? -I-I can’t believe I-

Joan pressed Vera harder against the cold wall, making the petite woman unable to complete her thought, feeling cornered and violated. She pressed her pelvis against Vera’s tense back as she held the small waist in place and caressed Vera’s sides in a sick but erotic attempt to calm her. “Shh-shh... I know. Jake keeps betraying your trust Vera. Can’t you see I’m the only one who understands you? I know betrayal. You’ve betrayed me in the worst possible way. I want you to know how it feels like. Feel me, as I _feel_ you.”

Vera whimpered in anticipation as Joan grazed her stomach underneath her clothes and scratched the skin of her firm abdomen on her way up to the woman’s chest, making Vera moan like a helpless feline.

“Oh Vera... I’m afraid that such delightful feminine pleads will only encourage me in my current course of action.”  Joan reached Vera’s bra edge, and harshly yanked it away and above her now plopping-out breasts under her uniform, as she bit on Vera’s neck. She grabbed Vera’s breasts in both hands, simultaneously, skin-to-skin, and they both shuddered with delight. A barely audible groan escaped Joan while Vera whimpered more loudly, still with some restraint, "hmmm ah," Vera couldn’t help but to arch back and let her head rest on the taller woman’s shoulder, who lifted Vera slightly to accommodate their height compatibility. “That’s it Vera,” Joan whispered, as she molded the perfect breasts while nibbling at her neck. She felt Vera's legs squeeze around her own leg which had been slipped in between to spread them. Smiling, Joan withdrew her right hand from Vera's breast and stared down at the whimpering woman. She now caressed Vera’s sweaty forehead and inner-bitted cheek. “You owe me what you’ve become Vera. You’re mine, whether you want to accept it or not. I will show you just that,” she said with her left hand still wrapped around Vera’s breast. The other hand glided down to the hem of her skirt, teasing Vera there. “You think you can still honor your previous morals and ethics, but you’re already corrupt. I know your dirty little secrets. Your mother, how you must’ve pushed Lucy Gambaro. Then again, I understand, but no one else will. You _need_ _me_ to guide you through those conflicting times. To teach you how to let go of ineffective moral structures and replace them by more effective guidelines.” Joan pronounced the two last words more authoritatively as she grabbed Vera’s crotch without a warning through her skirt, and found the gesticulating woman’s legs squeeze hard around her hand, either begging for more ministrations or trying to resist, which made Joan smile. “Precious Vera...”

Vera had her eyes shut and was biting down on her lower lip, strong enough to draw blood. Joan’s left hand gave the nipple a last pinch before, before reaching up towards the woman’s soft hair. Joan reached for the bun and undid it, letting Vera’s hair locks down. “We are more alike than either of us cares to admit Vera,” Joan said as she undid her own tied hair from the pony tail she’d carefully kept intact even after stabbing Bea.

Vera, still a little conflicted, broken, wary and hesitant, was so eager to just give in to her touch and proximity, but felt in distress over every event that had occurred and threatened to destroy everything she’d worked so hard for. Vera started mumbling deliriously and incoherently as she wriggled in Joan’s solid grip, “N-no... I don’t want to be just a pawn in your grand plan. To work for the destruction of everything I stand for, against my own sanity... It won’t work Joan.  I’m not strong enough... I can’t be a part of it! I can't!” she finished with tears in her eyes.

Joan kept stroking her hair, and spoke in a low voice to soothe Vera while trying to reason with her “You can be, with me. I’ll give you the strength, I’ll show you. _I'll never leave you_ ”

-How? You said it yourself. I’ve always been weak. Especially when it comes to you. I can’t resist you. But-

"Then don’t Vera. Let go. Forget moral standards. Accept this bond between us. You’re mine. Don’t fight it,” Joan said as she pressed down harder on Vera’s crotch through the soft material, molding her left breast with her left hand.  “Aww goood... Joan... But...oww... y-you are a prisoner under my care, Joan. I c-I can’t! Please don’t... Don’t make me-

-Make you come against your will? Deep down you want this. Tonight, you are under _my_ care, Vera. Let yourself be _my_ captive.

-Oh Joan. I want to. Sometimes I want it so badly it hurts.

-Oh yes? Where does it hurt, tell me. I’ll make it better. Wait, I think I know where...

Joan rolled Vera’s skirt up and yanked her panties harshly as she traced along Vera’s wet sex. “oww, Joooan.”

 Careful to massage her slit and clit, while slightly enterning her folds, Joan murmured a few words of encouragement, knowing she was putting Vera in the most conflicting position and loving it, “Yes Vera, I know, I _feel_ how much you need this, just by the way your inner walls clench deliciously around me. That's it, focus on your pulsating center, on my voice." Vera begged, “pleeease. Ahh I need you. Joan I-I-” Joan increased the pressure with every stroke while kissing Vera’s neck, sucking on her pulsing point, checking back to gaze at Vera’s expression. An exquisite sight. The distress and remorse across her features seemed to fade away as pleasure took over.

Joan grabbed her face and turned it towards hers. Vera opened her eyes, looked up at Joan, and welcomed Joan’s kiss with responsive lips. Joan reached in the pocket of her jacket for the key and undid the cuffs while reaching behind Vera, not breaking the kiss. Vera let the cuffs fall to the floor, along with her jacket and torn shirt, and raised her hand towards Joan’s cheek to reflect the same action of stroking it. She then reached around Joan’s neck to take the lead in the kiss. “Oh Joan,” she moaned in the kiss, as if expressing how helpless she felt despite her anguish.

Joan lifted Vera again and pressed her against the wall, so that they were face-to-face this time. Vera tugged at Joan’s grey jacket and easily managed it off her. Joan stopped her in her course of action and re-claimed her dominant role as she pinned Vera back, holding her waist in place, and tugged at her skirt to let it join the rest of the clothes at their feet. Vera was unfairly exposed, with only her undergarments on, as Joan took in with a smile. She grabbed Vera’s thighs and pushed them apart as she entered the space between them to feel Vera wrap around her strong body and moan loudly. Joan’s hand was now inside Vera’s wet panties as she entered the slick and warm folds now welcoming her pumping hand and contracting around it. Vera spread her legs further, granting her all access, and re-wrapped them, pointing the heels of her shoes in Joan’s calves.

Joan was supporting Vera’s body and pinning her up against the wall, as the younger woman moaned helplessly. Joan’s skilled movements set the pace for their moving bodies, wrapped in each other. The rhythm of their nested hips, chests, rising and falling, and whimpers, were frantic. Vera’s panting breaths were in synch with Joan’s fast strokes and pushes. The sound of Vera gasping for air and coming, along with the contracting walls of her depths around her hand and the pressing heels on her calves, was enough to drive Joan crazy. “Oh Joan, yes.”

-I got you Vera. You’re safe. You’re perfect, don’t be afraid to come for me.

Unable to acquire the release her own clit needed, Joan now reached for Vera’s little bundle of nerves with her thumb, as her other 4 digits curled up inside her, lapping at her G-spot, pressing hard, ‘almost trying to pierce through it,’ she mused. The simple metaphor had gotten Joan so wet already, as Vera screamed and wrapped her arms around Joan’s shoulders for support, while pressing her forehead against hers. Although Vera kept her eyes closed, Joan had hers open and admired that pretty sweaty face, smiling at Vera’s need for closeness and sudden display of trust and affection as she was climaxing tightly and achingly around her skilled hand. Sensing Joan’s reciprocating needs, Vera managed one leg in between them and pressed her knee up against Joan’s aching center. Joan moaned in a low guttural sound, as she started riding the leg Vera had extended in an offering gesture. They were now vertically intertwined and moving in synch.

When Vera was peaking again, Joan threw her on the bench with the intention of fucking her more, but Vera motioned Joan to shift positions and lie down. “Joan, let me, please.”

Vera climbed on top and finally undid the buttons on Joan’s shirt, slowly pulling Joan’s pants off of her without breaking the eye contact. Joan was dazzled. Vera was full of mysteries. The woman could transform into total different creatures, one more precious than the other, depending on the context and her feelings for Joan.  

When they were both completely naked, Vera repositioned herself on top of Joan. The older woman placed her hands on Vera’s straddling thighs on either side, stroking the smooth skin.

Vera’s plunging gaze was full of admiration, despite her fear of the darker side to Joan’s character. How could she be so mesmerized by a criminal; and what’s more, an extremely dangerous and calculative one at that... but for the first time, Vera felt she was accepting the love she felt for this beautiful and complex woman. The hell with moral principles. Vera was no saint either, and if there was one thing she needed more than oxygen, it was to bond with Joan and accept all of her. This wouldn’t be easy considering their history and positions at Wentworth, but she would figure something out. Right now all she wanted was to enjoy the moment they were sharing, as though they were alone in this world.

As Vera started riding Joan’s left thigh, Joan’s gaze broke the eye contact to lower itself on Vera’s perfect breasts, rising and falling with every breath. Vera fingered Joan’s sex slowly, applying just the right pressure on her clit. Joan bit down on her lower lip to stifle whatever noise she was about to make. She wasn’t particularly at ease with being vocal during sex, and wanted to focus on Vera’s now highly-pitched noises. Vera though was determined to obtain something from the other woman, so she entered her cunt harshly with her right hand and started pumping inside Joan fiercely. She was rewarded with a deep groan of pleasure from Joan, whose voice was the most sensual sound she’d ever heard. Joan’s wetness eased the back and forth movement, and made Vera adapt the pace of her riding hips to that of her hand pumping in and out of Joan.

This time, Joan came before Vera. But the pressure had built up so high that she quickly recovered, ready for another orgasm.

Joan reached behind Vera’s back, “come down here,” forcing her down a little so that she could suck on Vera’s nipples. Vera’s head threw back as she moaned loudly and sensually.

Joan’s mouth finally let go of Vera’s delicious breasts, to be replaced by her hands, as she molded both of Vera’s ‘love handles’ and gazed up to admire the little beauty riding her. Vera looked down and met her gaze, placing her own hands over Joan’s, on her own breasts, which were applying sweet pressure and molding them. Their breathing patterns met and crossed to form a harmonious symphony of erotic sounds.

Joan smiled mischievously, and Vera reflected that smile while lowering herself to kiss Joan languidly while stroking her face. “Oh Joan. I think I love you.” Joan smiled and pressed Vera against her, merging their breasts as they both came in sharp cries against each other’s lips.

As they both came down from their high, Joan broke the kiss and distanced her face within an inch, while Vera tried to decipher her expression.

“I think I love you too, Vera. Despite everything. Or maybe because of everything we’ve been through, it is as yet unclear. But I do, feel connected to you, in ways I have never experienced before. Not even with-

-Jianna?

Joan looked down, then faced Vera's expectant look, and put a hair lock behind Vera's ear as she confirmed: "Not even with Jianna." She kissed Vera reassuringly.

***

They lay down on the ground in each other’s arms, Vera’s head resting on Joan’s chest and Joan wrapping her arms around her. Silence felt so empty after their melodius moans...

Vera contemplated their present situation. Why was she suddenly so receptive and into Joan? Being so compliant, or “pliant,” she thought, remembering how often Jake had mentioned Joan using the term. Was this a plan to ruin her? To annihilate her? All the people around her seemed to only fuck her for their own benefits. NO. Not at this point. Joan had been honest. She wanted Vera to FEEL her. To understand her. To understand betrayal, yes, but understanding betrayal meant there was a bond before it was even broken. A deep connexion that Joan had just confessed to. If the betrayal hurt so much, it suggested that Vera meant a lot more to Joan than she’d evaluated. But that brought up new questions... what if she still wasn’t up to the task now? What if she failed miserably again, and they both hurt each other to the point of no return? What if it was already the case?

Vera’s previous anguish suddenly resurfaced, as she felt a pang in her chest. Joan felt her body tense up against hers, as Vera slowly sat up next to her and said calmly. “Joan, that was... incredible, and clearly we are-we have... something deeper going on here. But I never expected for our first time to happen like this... during the worst day of our lives, which turned into the best night ever... and I _want_ , with all my heart, for _us_ to be a thing. But right now, I don’t see how... what are we going to do? What will become of us?”

Joan slowly straightened up and came to sit in front of Vera, taking her hands in hers. “Do you remember what I told you during our first week working together? About being a team?”

-That seems like a lifetime ago, but yes I do.  

-Well, I know it was more of a rhetorical way to seal our professional relationship. But today, I mean it in a more profound and sacred way. Vera, we are bonded. We are a team. Surely you feel that too.

-Like partners.

-Yes, like partners.

-In which reality? How does that work?

-In time, every goal can be achieved, every land can be conquered. Timing is key.

-And what should I do now? I don’t have a fucking clue anymore.

Joan stroked the back of Vera's hand pensively. "Vera, when you go to Jake's home tonight-" 

-he told you that? Are you like besties or..?!

-Vera just listen. You need to know something about Stewart. He came very often, to see me, like you did tonight.

-What do you mean?

-He would come to visit me, asking me about you.

-Asking what?

-He wanted to know compromising information about you.

-To undermine me?

-To have leverage on you, on the governor of this prison, as a simple precaution.  
  
-Simple precaution?!  
  
-I know you feel used. You thought you could trust him and now you see that isn't the case. But don’t take it personal Vera. He likes you. He told me himself. But he’s ambitious. He’s willing to take risks. He knows some of your secrets, I know some of his, you know some of mine. Let’s not make a big deal out of it.

-So what are you saying? That I shouldn't fire him first thing as I get out?  
  
-No. You won't fire him.  
  
-And why's that? Why would you keep him around me if he likes me? Aren’t you even a little bit jealous?

-No.

-Just, no?

-Why should I be? You think of me when he fucks you, and he’s okay with that. Also Vera, he’s useful to us. Remember that.

-What? How?

-You’re the governor, you figure it out.

Vera nodded and scratch the back of her neck as she considered all this. She then kissed Joan softly before standing and getting dressed under Joan’s loving gaze. Just as she picked up her watch, she was relieved to see she still had about 2 hours to leave discreetly before any guard saw her.

At the door, she heard Joan say “You know where to find me anyway.”

Vera paused without turning to face Joan as she processed her words, and crouched down to pick up the cuffs and the key that were splayed on the floor. She stood, sighing, and closed the door before walking away. Boy was she confused... she'd walked in Joan's cell as governor, and walked out as someone for whom governing Wentworth and all the responsibilities it involved were none of her concern, nonexistent.

Joan went to lie back down and shut her eyes, focusing on the fading sound of Vera’s steps. They had come a long way. Vera was so different, so changed, she mused.

Vera meant so much to Joan now. And no matter how bad things were getting for her, Joan felt light-hearted, as if Vera was the answer to all her issues, her salvation... Joan didn’t know why but she was convinced that Vera was going to free her from any negative outcome she’d managed to create so far. They were bonded. They were each other’s captive, under each other’s care...


	4. Interlocking fates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So many times she’d walked inside to see Joan turning her back on her, watching by that same window, the light shining through her statuesque bun, underlining her majestic figure. Vera was only the deputy then, and so often she’d get goosebumps from being intimidated by her governor. But if she recalled right, Vera could also attribute most of her goosebumps to the excitement she felt whenever she walked through that door, addressed her governor, shared drinks with her. Her... HER Joan... God did she miss the fulfilling sense of pleasing Joan Ferguson."

Jake was sitting comfortably on Vera’s couch, waiting for her. When she arrived, Vera slammed the door behind her and quickly made her way to the living room to latch on him: “What is this arrangement you have with her?”

With a smile, Jake responded cheekily, “Had a good time?”

Vera dropped her bag on the floor and put her hands on her thighs as she swung her head with bewilderment: “I can’t believe the nerve... You and Joan Ferguson, plotting together in my back?”

-You needed this. I thought I was doing it for the both of us. Adds a little spice to our couple’s dynamic, don’t you think?

-Our couple? Is that what we are? Clearly you’re looking for something very different...

-Hey hey come here.

Jake pulled Vera by the arm and she landed next to him on the couch. She struggled in his embrace. “Frankly Jake I don’t know what you’re after. Joan told me about your visiting her every now and then to dish on me. What the fuck does that even say about you? About us?”

-I’m sorry Vera, hurting you was not my intention.

-Honestly I feel used. You’re like her, manipulative!

-Vera I did it for you.

-Did what for me?

-I got close to Joan so I could get closer to you, because I knew from the start you were bonded with her in some deeper way. There’s a part of you I could only access through her. I wanted to get inside her head so I could fully understand you.

-Do you even listen to yourself and see how ridiculous that sounds? Get inside her head? If anything she got inside yours as she always does with everyone! I warned you!

-Vera, you and Joan are deeply complex women, which makes you both very intriguing and interesting. Since I have my own ways too, I thought we’d all make a pretty good team here, a great match for each other, that's all there is to it. I enjoy a challenge.

-You know nothing. You’ve known us for a few months and you think you’ve got us all figured out already, but you haven’t. And no one is Joan Ferguson’s match. Bea Smith thought she was and now she’s at the morgue. We are prison officers, we don’t _team up_ with inmates. I warned you against her and she’s possibly, no, _certainly_ the most dangerous criminal of Wentworth and you go and make an alliance with her first thing, which will cost you eventually?! That was a wrong move. I hope you’re aware of it. How long has this twisted relationship been going on?

-I was intrigued with her from the start, as I know you are. Don't pretend she doesn't matter to you. I've seen how you look at-

-I want you to go. Now.

-Vera you don’t mean that. Baby come on.

-N-no! D-don’t call me that now Jake just-just go.

-Alright calm down, just listen to me, okay? Whatever you say, she’s more to you than a convicted criminal, and I understand you enough to know what you desire.

-Give me one reason to not throw your ass out right now, and fire you first thing tomorrow.

-You wouldn’t.

-Why not?

-Because I like you, you like me, and I understand your bond with Joan. _And_...

-And?

-And I know all your dirty little secrets.

-Oh please you wouldn’t be the first officer to dish on a governor’s bedroom stories, and I’ll live if any gossip of the kind leaks out about _me_ for a change.

-Oh, well I didn’t mean that. I meant, I know what you’ve done, to cover Smith, I know you gave her the weapon.

-What?! I gave no weapon to Smith and for god’s sake it was Joan who attacked her with it!

-Maybe, but I’m sure my theory will stick at a hearing. After all, they will try to figure out what happened, how Smith ended up waiting for her murderer at her exit in the first place. Too many things don’t add up without the governor or someone from her staff’s involvement taken into account. Aren’t I right?  
  
Jake smiled playfully at Vera, showing that maybe he wasn't being serious, or maybe he was. Vera just looked at him with amazement. "Bastard," is all she could come up with, along with a small grin. Jake came closer and put his hands on her shoulders. "Don’t worry Vera, like I said, I don’t wanna do you any harm, I like you. You’ll just have to trust me on this. Joan does."

-Yes well she’s none of your concern outside the prison. I will never understand your ties with her.

-Joan is a mastermind, the best mentor one could wish for.

-Really? Even after her latest crime, which is going to fuck us all over?!

-We’ve all done some pretty messed up things. I’m sure you’ll relate.

-I don’t know what she tells you but clearly you spend too much time with her. You’re scaring me.

-You don’t have to be scared, just listen to your gut. Right now, what is it telling you?

-That you’re starting to sound like her and it doesn’t suit you.

-I’m trying to speak the language you respond to better.

Jake leant down and kissed her forcefully. She didn’t reject him but her mind was somewhere else.

***

They went to bed and made love like they did about twice to three times a week lately, but it was very mechanical for Vera, who only tried to release some of the tension in her body and climax for the sake of it. That remained very difficult now that she’d tasted perfection with Joan. As Jake climaxed inside her on his own, she remembered how Joan’s body felt against her own, and shuddered at the thought of reproducing the lovemaking session with her true beloved. Jake kissed Vera goodnight and each of them slept on opposite sides of the bed.

Although she'd accepted her feelings for Joan, she had a hard time being honest with Jake about it all. She didn't like discussing her other relationship with him, for he seemed beneath Joan, whatever he thought he could achieve. Vera was still on guard and would act like she knew her place and Joan's in Wentworth, like she didn't care, although in fact, she did care.

***

Vera had had a bad night and it reflected in her working day. She’d been moody all day and demonstrated a lack of patience with practically all of her staff, especially Linda Miles, who’d complained to Will Jackson during lunch, and had gone straight to Jake at the end of her shift to suggest that he “released his girlfriend from whatever pain in the arse or sexual frustration she seemed determined to take out on them.”

At the end of the day, Jake came at Vera’s like the previous night. Later, she was in her kitchen making a salad when he came from behind and wrapped his arms around her. “Aren’t you coming to bed? It’s late,” he said as he turned her around and kissed her in the crook of her neck while she stiffened under his touch. “Why are you still here?”, she asked in a rather cold and detached tone.

Jake ignored her last remark and kissed her. When he withdrew, her gaze looked empty. She repeated, “Why are you still here? You weren’t invited over to sleep tonight.” Jake tried to outsmart her by retorting “And why are you still wearing your uniform. You could go put on the nice lingerie I got you for Valentine’s Day.”

Fed up, Vera pushed him away. “S-sorry it’s just-I-I need to be alone. Please understand. You can stay the night if you want. I don’t mind.” Vera stormed out of the kitchen under Jake’s confused gaze, and grabbed her coat. Jake did not protest, and watched Vera leave her own house saying “I think I’ll sleep in my office tonight. See you at work."

***

Vera would spend the night at Wentworth... anything just to avoid one more minute in Jake’s oppressing presence... she’d been flattered by his attention at first, but committing to a relationship was not something she truly wanted with him. It seemed obvious now.

Sat at her desk, pouting, Vera was looking all around the room: at the ceiling, at the walls, the window... so many times she’d hoped to sit in this chair. Why did it feel so bland now? So many times she’d walked inside to see Joan turning her back on her, watching by that same window, the light shining through her statuesque bun, underlining her majestic figure. Vera was only the deputy then, and so often she’d get goosebumps from being intimidated by her governor. But if she recalled right, Vera could also attribute most of her goosebumps to the excitement she felt whenever she walked through that door, addressed her governor, shared drinks with her. _Her_... _her Joan_. God did she miss the fulfilling sense of pleasing Joan Ferguson.

Suddenly it dawned on her. As pathetic as it was, Vera was happier with Joan as Governor. And what more, Vera wouldn’t be happy until she’d seen Joan happy. She was now aware of their interlocking fates. Vera started crying hot wet tears. She couldn’t deny herself the release. The nostalgia was too overwhelming. All the bitterness and vengeful thoughts were gone, and all she felt was deep affection and sadness for Joan, whom she hated to picture in her cell.

Exhausted from crying, Vera slept for half an hour before waking up at 1 AM with a sudden pang in her chest. _Not one of those panic attacks again_ , she thought. With Bridget’s help, she’d managed to reduce their symptoms but was still experiencing uncomfortable chest pain and heaviness, a constricted sensation that made her feel in prison no matter where she was when it happened.

Vera started inhaling and exhaling slowly to calm herself down. She saw that her hands were shaking, and decided she needed some liquid courage, so she went at the back of the room. She opened one of the cabinets to find some vodka in an open bottle from which she wouldn’t even bother pouring the content in a glass. When she finished it, she was a little too quick to stand on her feet and staggered her way out of her office. She came back seconds later to get the right set of keys, and resumed her way towards protection unit.

Vera knew what to do, and she would tell Joan tonight. Maybe she wasn’t thinking clearly, but at least she was finally being honest with her feelings.

 


	5. All I Need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "This, now, with you... it is all I need."  
> Joan blushed at that and smiled with pride as the warming sensation wrapped around her heart once more. “Joan... I feel better already. How do you do it? You make me feel so... different.” Vera still wasn’t sure how to describe that feeling, but it sure was addictive.

Joan recognized the steps she heard, although she’d detected something a little changed about them. Her little mouse sounded less steady and more lazy than usual on her heels. She heard someone struggle to open the door and laugh behind it. Vera had indeed dropped her keys and was laughing quietly as she picked them up from the floor and gave it another try.

Once inside, Vera shut the door behind her and stood in front of Joan, leaning against the wall for support as she tried to keep her balance and remain in an upright position. Joan was sitting on the bench, facing her, and smiled lightly as she greeted her. “Hello Vera.”

-You couldn’t sleep either?

-I was thinking.

They were silent for a few seconds while contemplating each other. Vera was smiling mischievously now, and Joan found that it was contagious. Vera whispered, “You look beautiful.”

A bit taken aback but pleasantly so, Joan frowned and smiled back as she replied “Thank you. Right back at you. Although you don’t seem in your normal state,” she paused. “Weren’t you supposed to be with Jake tonight? What’s the matter?”

Vera went on laughing nervously then made a few steps towards the bench. “Jake Jake Jake. Why are you always including him in...” Her shaky walk and drunken state didn’t escape Joan as Vera stumbled and chuckled. Joan analyzed Vera as she sat and kicked her heels off.

Vera tried to appear sober and disciplined by folding her hands on her wrinkled skirt but wasn’t fooling Joan.

Joan reached for her face and raised Vera’s chin. She looked intently into Vera’s brown eyes, and noticed redness about them. She stroked Vera’s cheek gently. “You’ve been crying,” she asked with concern. Vera put her own hand atop Joan’s, over her face, and turned her head slightly to kiss Joan’s palm tenderly, a gesture that warmed Joan’s heart and put a tiny smile across her worried face. She could get used to that display of affection.

“Vera, talk to me, what’s causing this? What’s troubling you?”

Vera sighed. “You shouldn’t be here. I hate to see you here.” Deeply moved by Vera’s display of emotion and soft tone now, Joan wiped a streaming tear with her thumb on Vera’s face, while the younger woman held Joan’s hand and lowered it to her chest.

Joan instantly felt Vera’s excessively fast heartbeat. “Feel this? I can’t help it, my heart keeps beating so fast it’s unnerving.”

Joan’s lips trembled with more concern now. Vera sighed again and lightened the mood by giggling a little. “Don’t look so worried, I’ve had palpitations for quite some time now, and anxiety attacks since... since last year... that is practically _nothing_ compared to those I’ve had.”

Joan lowered her gaze with shame ah she muttered, “since the riot.”

-No, no Joan. Even before that, before you were governor. The riot just retriggered the crisis. But I’ve learned to handle them and they are less frequent now.

-Why didn’t you tell me?

-I know how much you resent weakness of any kind. I thought it’d make you resent me even more.

-So you kept it all inside and bore down.

Joan motioned Vera to shift so she could take her into an embrace with the back of Vera’s head resting on her chest and Vera’s back against her stomach. “I could never resent you,” she whispered. Joan made sure to turn into a cocoon for Vera as she wrapped around her body and placed her chin atop Vera’s head.

Vera’s breathing was erratic. She needed to be calmed down, whether or not she dared to admit it was her anxiety striking. Joan felt she had to do something to make her feel better and eliminate whatever distress was taking control over the small precious body nested in her arms. She slid her arms along Vera’s and brought her hands over Vera’s rising and falling chest to undo 3 buttons of her jacket. Joan slipped her right hand inside and started slowly massaging her thorax.

As soon as she felt the contact of Joan’s cold soft hand against the swell of her own skin, Vera was able to relax and leant back against Joan. She felt Vera release some of the tension already and sigh in relief. “Oh, thank you for this,” she whispered while gazing up to meet Joan’s loving piercing gaze, looking down on Vera’s soothed features.

-Shhh, shhh, it’s alright. It’s okay. Take slow, slow breaths. Don’t think of anything stressful or unnerving at the moment. Try to think of something positive, if you can.

-I don’t need to. This, now, with you... it is all I need.

Joan blushed at that and smiled with pride as the warming sensation wrapped around her heart once more. “Joan... I feel better already. How do you do it? You make me feel so... _different_.” Vera still wasn’t sure how to describe that feeling, but it sure was addictive.

Joan kept applying soft pressure on Vera’s front, helping her breathe in and out, and kissed Vera’s hairline, which smelled of vanilla. Joan smiled at the thought, but suddenly felt dark memories resurface. She decided to share them with Vera so that she’d feel even closer to her: “As a child I used to experience the same symptoms you have now, but lighter.”

Vera waited before questioning her furthermore. “YOU? You had anxiety?”

-Well, we _wouldn’t_ -my _father_ never used the term... he’d have none of it. Whenever I was stressed out or thought I was, and started assuming my chest pains were related, he’d yell at me and threaten to send me away to a place they lock you up forever because only ‘freaks’ or ‘ _mentals’_ could let their emotions take control of their body.

-Joan, that’s terrible. You were just a child with normal distress.

-My father was a difficult man. He was demanding, and I was... I never would've been good enough if I hadn’t regained control over those emotions. So I-I just bore down, like you did with me. I’m sorry you felt you had to.

-Joan, _I_ am so sorry for _you_. You deserved better from your father.

-It’s fine Vera, I know your mother wasn’t easy on you either. It’s life. We don’t choose our family.

Vera shifted in Joan’s embrace and gazed up at her for long seconds, before saying, “speaking about choices, I’ve made mine.”


End file.
